Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
