Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
