I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
