i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
