I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
