The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
