Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
