I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
