Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
