the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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