he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
