Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
