I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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