I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
