I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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