i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
