I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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