I smell stomach acid.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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