the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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