hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
