You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
