Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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