i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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