We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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