So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
