I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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