May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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