and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
