three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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