I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
