Only a mothe r could love this liver
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
