Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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