We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
