He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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