My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
