opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
