I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
