So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
