angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You pole danced in your parka.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
