apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I sprained my soul last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
