im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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