I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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