I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
