I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
