highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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