can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
