the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
