THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
