I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
