I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
