Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
