I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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