You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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