Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
