Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
