I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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