I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
