haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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